New York

New York

New York, New York. Let's just put this out there, this is the best city on the planet. I know you like where you live and I'm sure it's great but you only think that because you haven't been here. If you'd like to argue about it then I'll come to your place, sleep on your couch and you can try and convince me otherwise.

        But there are just so many awesome parts about this place, big and small,. I got dumplings in China town for $1.25 and they were really good. First full day of my second trip through here I heard a guy yell, “Yeah man. I got kicked out of the bar too.” Too. Let that sink in. And are there to many hipsters in Williamsburg? Yes, but it's way cooler if you say that Williamsburg is hipster Disneyland. Thanks Sydney. Only in New York.

        But not everything here is great. Jimmy Fallon for instance. I went to see him practice his monologue. Now he's a nice guy and was probably very funny hanging out at his frat house. The problem is that no one in the studio audience is high. Ok, well I wasn't. I'm really getting more into needle drugs but that's neither here nor there. Dude needs more time to come up with good material. That means he needs more writers. That or he shouldn't have a show.

        But I shouldn't be so mean though. What if Jimmy Fallon reads this? Then he'll probably call and it'll be really awkward. He'll be like, “Madison, I thought we were cool.” And I'll respond I was just trying to be funny. See he wouldn't get that. Then he'd offer me a job.

        New York is the biggest place I've ever seen. So much so that it's the small places that stand out. Best example: the J.P. Morgan headquarters is a four story building in the middle of the financial district. The New York Stock Exchange is across the street. But the J.P. Morgan Building stands out there for two reasons. One, it has no signage on it. If it weren't for the cheap, plastic marker next to it detailing its history you wouldn't know what it was. The other reason is its only four stories tall. Why then did J.P. Morgan build as four story building there? The answer is quite simple. He could. Minor detail: the foundation was designed to support a building ten times that size.

        And New York is strange, like Christopher Walken in New Orleans strange. I was walking around Time Square when a topless 60 year old woman wearing a backpack and what appeared to be a bleach blond clown wig walked past me. Now the obvious question is why a clown wig instead of, say, the 10 gallon straw hat I saw a hipster wearing the next day. But the more subtle question is why she decided to walk around like that... in broad daylight mind you... IN FRONT OF THE POLICE... when she is clearly more of a brunette.

        Other cities you go to for the things there. I went to Amsterdam to see the Red Light District. I went to Munich to see Oktoberfest. But you come to New York to see New York. A friend of mine asked me in a rather dry, sarcastic tone, “You went to New York and you spent all day watching football.” Yes, of course. I'm uncultured, white trash that has a problem. But even if I wasn't that would still be ok. Because here the city is really the attraction. I came here for this one really cool bakery or a bar that I was told I needed to go to. Sure there is bigger stuff like the Brooklyn Bridge and the Statue of Liberty. Everyone should come here and see those things. But if the coolest thing you do here is get a picture taken with Lady Liberty then you need to try REAL women. They're better conversation.

        So that's the reason it was totally alright that I spent a day watching football there. We aren't going to talk about this anymore.

        So a quick list of the things I liked in New York: bagels, football, people (non-hipster variety), walking around, Jimmy Fallon's effort, the subway, the Chrysler Building, and street food.

        And a quick list of things I didn't like: $7 for a BAGEL?!, people judging me for watching football, the way my feet felt after walking on concrete all day, Jimmy Fallon's results, the people on the subway, not being able to take a picture of the Chrylser building at night because my camera sucks and why would a person on vacation ever want to take a picture at night, AND... street food.

Later ya'll