Monday, October 31, 2011

New York

New York

New York, New York. Let's just put this out there, this is the best city on the planet. I know you like where you live and I'm sure it's great but you only think that because you haven't been here. If you'd like to argue about it then I'll come to your place, sleep on your couch and you can try and convince me otherwise.
        But there are just so many awesome parts about this place, big and small,. I got dumplings in China town for $1.25 and they were really good. First full day of my second trip through here I heard a guy yell, “Yeah man. I got kicked out of the bar too.” Too. Let that sink in. And are there to many hipsters in Williamsburg? Yes, but it's way cooler if you say that Williamsburg is hipster Disneyland. Thanks Sydney. Only in New York.
        But not everything here is great. Jimmy Fallon for instance. I went to see him practice his monologue. Now he's a nice guy and was probably very funny hanging out at his frat house. The problem is that no one in the studio audience is high. Ok, well I wasn't. I'm really getting more into needle drugs but that's neither here nor there. Dude needs more time to come up with good material. That means he needs more writers. That or he shouldn't have a show.
        But I shouldn't be so mean though. What if Jimmy Fallon reads this? Then he'll probably call and it'll be really awkward. He'll be like, “Madison, I thought we were cool.” And I'll respond I was just trying to be funny. See he wouldn't get that. Then he'd offer me a job.
        New York is the biggest place I've ever seen. So much so that it's the small places that stand out. Best example: the J.P. Morgan headquarters is a four story building in the middle of the financial district. The New York Stock Exchange is across the street. But the J.P. Morgan Building stands out there for two reasons. One, it has no signage on it. If it weren't for the cheap, plastic marker next to it detailing its history you wouldn't know what it was. The other reason is its only four stories tall. Why then did J.P. Morgan build as four story building there? The answer is quite simple. He could. Minor detail: the foundation was designed to support a building ten times that size.
        And New York is strange, like Christopher Walken in New Orleans strange. I was walking around Time Square when a topless 60 year old woman wearing a backpack and what appeared to be a bleach blond clown wig walked past me. Now the obvious question is why a clown wig instead of, say, the 10 gallon straw hat I saw a hipster wearing the next day. But the more subtle question is why she decided to walk around like that... in broad daylight mind you... IN FRONT OF THE POLICE... when she is clearly more of a brunette.
        Other cities you go to for the things there. I went to Amsterdam to see the Red Light District. I went to Munich to see Oktoberfest. But you come to New York to see New York. A friend of mine asked me in a rather dry, sarcastic tone, “You went to New York and you spent all day watching football.” Yes, of course. I'm uncultured, white trash that has a problem. But even if I wasn't that would still be ok. Because here the city is really the attraction. I came here for this one really cool bakery or a bar that I was told I needed to go to. Sure there is bigger stuff like the Brooklyn Bridge and the Statue of Liberty. Everyone should come here and see those things. But if the coolest thing you do here is get a picture taken with Lady Liberty then you need to try REAL women. They're better conversation.
        So that's the reason it was totally alright that I spent a day watching football there. We aren't going to talk about this anymore.
        So a quick list of the things I liked in New York: bagels, football, people (non-hipster variety), walking around, Jimmy Fallon's effort, the subway, the Chrysler Building, and street food.
        And a quick list of things I didn't like: $7 for a BAGEL?!, people judging me for watching football, the way my feet felt after walking on concrete all day, Jimmy Fallon's results, the people on the subway, not being able to take a picture of the Chrylser building at night because my camera sucks and why would a person on vacation ever want to take a picture at night, AND... street food.

Later ya'll

Thursday, October 27, 2011

The Rumors of My Demise Have Been Greatly Exaggerated

The Rumors of My Death Have Been Greatly Exaggerated

Hello all. As all of you probably noticed, the blog did not work out as planned. Sorry about that. I knew there would be a lot to do, but I never imagined there was that much. There were days that I would go on three different walking tours, skip lunch, and then go out that night. Before I forget, never go on three walking tours, skip lunch, and then go out at night. It ends badly. The people I met, with very few exceptions, were very nice and helpful. Such as the nice fellow I met at Oktoberfest. He had incredible incite into the American psyche and culture when he told me that Americans weren't smart. That's all he said. Americans aren't smart. OR the nice gentleman that came up to me IN THE BATHROOM at a restaurant said a “sentence” I'll never forget. “America very bad.” In vinos veritas I suppose. That is to say that he was inebriated enough to properly understand the complexities of the situation. Or he was drunk in public.
        There was the beer I had in Prague. It was incredible: Pilsner Urquell unfiltered and unpasteurized. Or the beer I had in Hamburg. It was... well it didn't cost much. I was invited to a wine festival in the Neckar Valley by my friend Frank. The wine there was really good. What was better was the two bottles Frank and I drank on the way there, but the best were the pictures the next day. They explained a lot.
        Also, my German improved considerably. For instance, at the airport before my flight home left, I spent three or four minutes looking at the menu before confidently stepping up and ordering in the clearest, most accent free German I could muster. The man behind the counter apparently approved. He smiled before telling me, “Ah, very good order!” Oh well, in all honesty my German really did get better. I was able to read some of the inscriptions on the memorials and understand some signs. Towards the very last month I was even able to make out words and phrases in conversation.
        Ok, these were mostly bad, but I promise it was the most incredible thing I've ever done. Every day I did something I’ve never done before and saw something I've never seen before and didn't know existed the week before. I walked around a castle that was approximately five times older than my country, but it was 50 times older than the country it was in. Every week I ate food I couldn't pronounce and met people from everywhere, literally everywhere: Israel, Germany, Amsterdam, South Africa, the Czech Republic, Australia, Great Britain, Canada, Switzerland, France, Bulgaria, Serbia, Italy, Belgium, New Zealand, Spain, Russia, Scotland, Ireland, Brazil, India, Mexico, Argentina, South Korea and of course America.
        I wrote a few entries on some of the cities I went to and I'm planning on writing a few more. Will they be a pointless exercise in self indulgence? More than likely. But I'm going to post them for a sort of diary so I can remember everything before I lose it in my old age. You can read them but only if you agree to tell me how smart and cool I am. Later.

P.S. Midnight in Paris is interesting but sucks. And I never got to see Captain America.